I don't understand him. Not even a little.

I should, though, and that bothers me-- after all, his emotions push in on me whenever he's in the room. But the waves of warmth, the childish excitement, the sheer caring that the man projects are frightening in their intensity. And when he turns them toward me...

I don't know what to make of him. Don't know what to do with the things he's making me feel. Can't even tell them from the things I'm feeling, sometimes. And that scares me more than all the rest.

If he'd only hate me, then I could understand. I've given him every reason to-- from the first day, I've done nothing but push him away. I don't know why it isn't working, why he hasn't given up yet. The others hadn't even needed a reason. Wasn't that the way it was supposed to be?

Very carefully, I lower my head a little, still resting the chin in one hand. The bangs will cover my eyes, hide my line of sight; for some reason, the idea of him catching me staring is terrifying. Strange-- I want him to hate me so much, but... not for that. I'm not sure I could take it if he hated me for that.

For once, he's quiet while he works. The stack of paperwork is daunting, to say the least, and the smooth line of his brow is creased in concentration. Dark strands of his hair have fallen forward into his face, unnoticed, and the depths of his eyes are almost bruise-purple from the shadow. With a sudden pang, I wonder how he can make anything so mundane seem so... beautiful.

Startled by my own thoughts, I turn to face him fully, intent on making up for the lapse. "How long does it take to fill out a few forms?" I ask him curtly, making my voice both bored and annoyed.

The look Tsuzuki fixes on me is piteous. "But it's for the whole week!" he protests, eyes pleading. "And you aren't even helping!"

"I did it all last week." I fold my arms over my chest. From my perch atop one of the now-abandoned desks, I can look down at him. "Because you kept putting it off."

He whines like an abandoned puppy. "Can't I take a break, at least?" It's the fifth time he's asked. "It's way past dinner time-- please, Hisoka?"

"If you'd hurry and get it done," I point out sharply, "We could go get something to eat afterwards."

"Go get something...?" The man's entire face lights up. "We're going out to eat?" Another thought strikes him, and the sudden joy of it nearly floors me. "You're paying?"

That wasn't what I meant. No one in the known universe has enough money to survive dinner with Tsuzuki and have funds left over. It's a stupid idea. I should tell him to shut up and finish, push him away again. Or better yet-- I should get up and leave, without another word.

He's wagging his tail.

"Fine," I answer shortly. "Just hurry."

The little noise of excitement and the waves of anticipation that float to me from across the room are all the answer I need.

I have to turn away so that he doesn't see me smile.

Maybe some things aren't meant to be understood.

~owari~