The scene is a dark alley. Fog swirls mysteriously, and the only light comes from a hidden source. The shadows part to reveal a tall man dressed in a knee-length brown trench coat.

Man: Good evening. Welcome to 'Unsolved Mysteries.' I am your host, Robert Stack. Join me tonight as we journey into the unknown.

The scene changes, and cheesy theme music kicks in. The man is now inside a TV studio. Various screens in the background flash words like 'Murder,' 'Kidnapping,' 'UFOs,' 'Hauntings,' etc. We hear Robert Stack's voice as he continues…

RS: Tonight, on UNSOLVED MYSTERIES: A California woman reports the presence of a supernatural bird living in the tree across the street from her house. She has yet to see it, but she describes it's eerie cry as, 'The voice of pure, unadulterated evil." But first, we attempt to delve into perhaps one of the greatest mysteries of our time: how, in the name of sweet Suzaku, can everybody in Fushigi Yuugi love an annoying crybaby like Miaka?

The host disappears, the scene goes black, and the opening strains of 'Itooshi Hito no Tameni' are heard. The scene changes to slowly pan over lush farmland, a large town, and finally a beautiful palace.

RS voiceover: The Konan Empire. Seat of the Emperor Hotohori (the camera dwells lovingly and lingeringly on a picture of Hotohori), whose wise and just rule has spawned a period of abundance and peace, a period that some say… is coming to an end (cherry blossoms begin to fall). Our sources told us that His Majesty was one of the first people to see Miaka when she arrived in Konan, and it was to him she turned in her time of need.

The scene is Hotohori's throneroom. The emperor sits on his throne, in full regalia, looking gorgeous. The camera comes in for a closeup on his flawless skin.

Hotohori: (sighs deeply) Miaka? (pulls out a tiny portrait) You want to know why I love Miaka? (his face breaks into a slow but dazzling smile) Miaka is… the most perfect woman in all the world. She means everything to me. For my entire life, I have dreamed of someone like her, prayed to Suzaku that a soul as pure and perfect as hers might one day appear to me (sounds of retching are heard offscreen). She is an angel, a dream become real, a vision of perfection. You ask me how can I love Miaka? I ask you instead, how can I not?

RS: (sweatdrop) Thank you, Your Majesty. You have been… most helpful. (Hotohori smiles and goes back to gazing at the portrait of Miaka) The man you will now hear has asked to remain anonymous. For his protection, his face will not be seen, and special audio distortion will be used so that his voice will be unrecognizable. It is unclear what this man is hiding from, but this was the only way that he would agree to an interview.

The scene changes to a dimly lit room. The only things in the rooms are a chair and a table with a small lamp. X is seated in the chair. His face is blurred, but a shock of teal colored hair can clearly be seen above the distortion.

X: You're SURE that she won't be able to see my face? (There is a muffled response offscreen) What about my voice? I'm telling you, you have no idea how much trouble I'll be in if she can hear my… (Another response) WHAT? We're on the air? Oh, God. Okay. You want to know about Miaka? (short laugh) Why I love Miaka? (There is silence. A LONG silence. Crickets chirp offscreen. Then X shrugs). I don't know. She just kind of grows on you after awhile, I guess. (There is a loud crash as the boom operator facefaults, then there is a knock at the door. A high pitched voice can faintly be heard)

Offscreen: ….homeeee? Are you in there? (The voice gets teary) I can hear SOMETHING in there! Is anything wrong? Why are you hiding from me? Have I done something? Please answer me. I love you Tamahome. I know that things have been difficult lately, and I'm sorry. It's just that I've been so worried about Yui-chan… and Hotohori… and the summoning of Suzaku. I've never had anything this important happen to me, I'm not used to all these people relying on me. I'm so worried, Tamahome. I don't know if I can be strong enough without you. Please, Tamahome… I can't do this alone . I need you so much, Tamahome. I love you… Tamahome. Tamahome? Tama……homeeee….. (the voice dissolves into tears)

The scene switches back to inside the dimly lit room, but the camera angle is skewed. The room is empty, the camera lying on its side on the floor. The chair and table have both been overturned, and the end of the lamp cord trails out of the broken window.

The scene cuts to a commercial break, then Unsolved Mysteries returns.

RS: (Long, long silence) Welcome back to UNSOLVED MYSTERIES. (He's forcing it, and it's obvious). The scene changes, but we can still hear his voice. We take you now to the Konan palace gardens, where Tasuki and Chichiri, two of the Suzaku Seven, the men gathered by Miaka in order to save the Konan Empire, have agreed to an interview.

The scene shows the two, a smirking redhead and a smiling man in a strange pointed hat holding a staff.

Tasuki: MIAKA?? (Laughs obnoxiously) Why we love her? AHAHAHAHA… that's a good one (Wipes his eyes and slaps his companion roughly on the back). Most of us can barely stand her. 'Ya know, if it wasn't for Tamahome, I'd let her know exactly what I think…(There is a muffled question from offscreen) WHAT? (Tasuki turns bright red, and his companion begins to inch away) AFRAID? Of TAMAHOME? Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?? If that piece of shit had enough BALLS to ever… (Chichiri taps him)

Chichiri: (Points) Daaaaa….

Tamahome: (Staggers into the scene, bleeding from a cut on his face and favoring his right arm). Have you seen her? She's been looking all over for me. I think she knows that I… (Notices the camera crew) Hey! Get that out of my face! You've put me in deep enough shit as it is. (Glares at Tasuki) What are YOU laughing at, you snaggletoothed maniac??? (Chichiri steps between the two, keeping them apart as they turn SD and flail at each other)

From offscreen: ….Tamahooooooooooooomeeeeeeeeeeeeee… where are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?

Tamahome and Tasuki freeze. All three men look up, wide eyed.

Chichiri: Well, I'll be off now, no da….

Tasuki: Yeah, uh… me too. You're on your own here, loverboy (Laughs nastily).

Tamahome: (Calmly) I'll kill you for this. BOTH of you.

Tasuki and Chichiri sweatdrop, look at each other, and run away.

Miaka: (Comes onscreen) Tamahome! At last, I found you! Where were you… you're HURT! Tamahome… what happened? I couldn't find you… I was so worried… (Her eyes fill with tears) Tamahomeeeee… why did you leave meeeeee? (She breaks into sobs, and the scene widens as the cameraman begins to slowly creeps backwards)

Tamahome: Erm. Miaka. (He tilts her chin up, forcing her to look into his eyes as he wipes her tears away). I love you, Miaka. I'm here now, and I will never leave you. Never. (Miaka turns her shining eyes to his and hiccups). Oh, Miaka. I love you.

Miaka: Tamahome…

Tamahome: Miaka…

Miaka: Tamahomeeee…

(The sound of retching is heard offscreen, and the cameraman breaks and runs)

The scene is now the set of 'Unsolved Mysteries.' Robert Stack stands in front of the camera, looking uncomfortable.

RS: Tonight we learned a very valuable lesson on UNSOLVED MYSTERIES (pause). Sometimes, it's just better not to know.

Scene fades.

End.